late nite post

02.42



2:17 A.M
I just finished did my task. Tapi Machiato Venti bener-bener sukses buat mata ini melek. I never thought I would spent so many hours in this side doing "law thing". Untuk melanjutkan strata-2 gak pernah ada di top-list priority gue setelah lulus kuliah. Kerja-pun bukan. Pada saat itu gue bener-bener pengen liburan. Jalan-jalan, dan happy happy. Well, actually last year is my self-confidence-crisis of mine which I never told to anyone. 

Gue kadang "iri" dengan temen-temen gue yang sudah punya goals, what to do next, kerja dimana, mau jadi apa, dan lain lain. Tahun kemarin gue totally blank... mau kerja pun ogah-ogahan. To be honest gue cuma apply 2 lowongan kerjaan. Bank mandiri dan BI. I failed on BI, dan Bank Mandiri untuk test tahap selanjutnya gue gabisa ikut karena posisi gue sedang umrah. My heart wasn't fully at that actually. So I prayed. I asked to Allah, what should I do. 

Tiap hari kerjaan gue cuma diisi sama Wallstreet, nemenin mama atau jalan-jalan. Enak banget ya hidup? enak sih emang, tapi beban. Gue selalu percaya you always meet people in the right time, and I alway Thankful to Allah, for presenting my boyfriend in my life. I learn a lot from him. a lot. His struggle one of the best I can see from him. well, I drop my tears while typing this. That makes me realize a bit. Gak semua orang punya hidup seenak gue, sebahagia gue. Why can't I live it to fullest ? I know that's been so late. He did everything to keep productive. Satu hal yang bikin gue sangat salut sama dia, he's really honour his parents. Satu hal yang bikin gue sangat tersindir ketika dia lagi merasa sangat gagal dia bilang "kalo gue jadi lo sih, gue udah kuliah lagi". That words, I always keep it on my mind. Tapi buat balik ke law school ? it's not easy. So at first, I start with something I love.

Makeup School. Yes, I took a makeup school for 2 months and I really enjoyed it. and again I meet so many people from different background. Thats makes me more thankful to Allah how lucky I am. My mom really support with what I did, my dad, my family, also my boyfriend. In the middle of the school, gue menyadari sesuatu. Gue harus bisa ngasih lebih buat kedua orang tua gue. Apapun yang gue mau selama itu baik mereka lakuin buat gue.

Gue buang semua ketakutan gue, semua rasa ga percaya diri gue akhirnya gue bilang ke mereka gue mau lanjut S-2, kenotariatan, as they wish. Gue ga punya persiapan yang matang buat tes masuk UI. Gue bener-bener pasrah, tiap solat gue cuma berdoa, kalau memang ini jalan yang terbaik buat gue lancarakanlah. Then.. I get it. Thats makes me realize restu kedua orang tua itu segalanya. Gue harus bisa ngalahin rasa keraguan sama diri gue sendiri, karena mereka aja selalu percaya dan yakin sama gue. Being notary students, is not easy as I thought. But, I can't doubt my self :)

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